|
Here's the story of my path to faith...
I was brought up as a member of the Church of Christ. By far not the largest Christian sect, but with enough members worldwide
to find a church in almost any community which is primarily Christian.
I went to Sunday school, I learned about God and Jesus and how they loved us. The teachings ranged from how Adam and Eve
sinned against God by eating the forbidden fruit and were cast out of the Garden of Eden to stories of how God provided for
his chosen people for centuries.
During my 6th year of school, a problem with my teacher caused my mother to pull me out of public school and enrolled
me in a private school. The only private school available was a Catholic school. For two years, I participated in all the
Catholic ceremonies that took place during the school hours. I learned quite a bit about the Catholic faith and methods of
worship. This is also where I learned that you could curse (Catholic boys seemed very good at it), drink smoke and misbehave
all week, then go to the confessional and make all your sins go away by saying a few Hail Mary's. Of course still being too
young to know the difference, I accepted all this with a measure of grace and still went to the Church Of Christ with my family
on Sundays. After that, we moved and it was back to public school and no more participation in Catholic ceremonies.
In Protestant teachings, if you sinned, you went to Hell and if you believed and were good, you went to Heaven. Some of
the stories put the fear of God into you so you wouldn't sin. Other stories pointed out the compassion and love and forgiveness
of God and how you could be saved even if you had sinned.
I believed. I was even baptized when I was 15, on the same day my father was. We went up to the front of the church, confessed
at being sinners, asked for forgiveness and got dunked in the baptism pool. I felt like a new person. People seemed to look
at me differently, smiling broadly, shaking my hand, congratulating me, welcoming me into the fold. That lasted for at least
the rest of the day.
The next day, I didn't feel any different when I woke up. I never had been a bad kid. I didn't use profanity, didn't cheat,
lie, steal, fornicate or covet my neighbors wife. I wasn't a killer. I hadn't broken any of the Ten Commandments. So how was
I different? I was baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Although I thought I was always a Christian, it was official now.
I believed!
Then I went to Summer School. I was between my freshman and sophomore years and I didn't have to go, but my mother thought
it would be good for me, give me something to do. I could get a class ahead before the next school year started.
I did get to decide what course to take. Always being fascinated with the past, I wanted a History class. World History,
for six weeks, 5 days a week, we studied world history. But that's not all I learned.
I was the only kid in class that did not have to be there. The others, well, they weren't bad kids. They didn't steal.
They weren't killers, they just hadn't done as well in school. They hadn't passed the course during the regular school year.
So, we studied History. I learned a lot that summer. Not only did I learn more about history, I added a few words to my vocabulary,
I learned to smoke (when class started, I was the only one who didn't) and I learned that if I did things "good boys"
didn't, I still had fun and I didn't get struck down by lightening. What a revelation. Now don't get me wrong. I didn't go
around cussing. But It didn't offend me any more to hear it. And I didn't become a hoodlum (that's what they were called in
those days, we didn't have gangs like today).
The one thing I learned that summer that was important to me though was in the history lessons. I learned about the Crusades
and Holy wars. I learned about the Inquisition, Witch hunts, and McCarthyism. I learned what humanity had done to itself in
the name of God and righteousness. The instructor hadn't singled out those items of history, I just picked up on them myself.
They seemed to stand out to me as more important than which Emperor ruled when or what president did what or when man learned
to write or form communities. My attention was focused on what men did in the name of God. My god. Christians like me. The
evil things they did to innocent people or people that didn't believe the same way they did.
I still went to church. I still studied in Sunday classes. I listened to the sermons but I heard things just a little
differently. I paid more attention to what was said. I began to notice the intolerance for those that didn't conform to particular
morals or thinking. There wasn't any racism, or bigotry or hatred. Just innuendo's and snubbing and a lack of such things
as open mindedness, charity and acceptance for those not as morally inclined as our Church.
I was made to feel guilty for missing Sunday night at our church to be with a group of friends from a Baptist church on
a Church sponsored youth outing. The Baptists just weren't the right sort of Christians. But I did get exposure to the faiths
of other protestant churches.
By my Senior year, I lost interest in going to church. I still had to go to appease my parents, but the interest and fun
was gone and my faith was fading fast.
After High School, I joined the Navy. On Sunday's in boot camp, you either went to Church services or you worked. Well,
nobody wanted to mop floors (swab decks in the Navy) so we all went to church. My first session at the base chapel left me
feeling sad. The Christian service had a Chaplain dressed in fancy robes like a Catholic priest (I found out later he was
Presbyterian) and they conducted a musical service complete with guitars, drums and tambourines. It just didn't appeal to
me. The following Sunday, I went to the Jewish services, I was accepted as a student and continued each Sunday till we left
boot camp 3 months later.
Now I didn't tell my parent of any of this, My mother had become such a devout Christian (even though she over ate, smoked
and used a few naughty words around the house), My mother would have had a conniption fit.
I didn't become Jewish though. After all, with the exception of a few books not included in the King James version the
Jewish Torah is similar to the Christian Old Testament. Why would I want to trade one religion I had lost interest in for
another comparable religion?
After boot camp, my faith waned even more almost to non-existence. I did try a few other Protestant Churches, the non-denominational
services at my next couple of duty stations and even paid visits to the chapel after hours to set alone and think or meditate.
At the same time, I continued my studies in history, unofficially with books and historical movies, then finally with college.
I still watch the Discovery channel and History channel even today.
Over the years my faith virtually disappeared. Not only because of the history lessons, but because the very churches
that expounded love and faith turned around and taught bigotry when it came to other races, creeds, sexual orientation and
became rich beyond compare while parents and children in this country let alone the third world starved.
I pretty much lost all faith and I dropped the facade of even going to church to please my parents. This eventually caused
an irreparable rift between me and my family. My mother dominated my father so he went along with her on everything. I was
no good, because I chose to drink (though not abusively), I liked to dance, I smoked (for 21 years) I lived with a woman for
three years before we got married (my third). And most importantly, I didn't go to church and I didn't believe the same way
my mother did. (She honestly believed black people were the cursed descendants of Cane and homosexuals should be killed).
To hear my mother talk, my lack of religion made me a terrible human being and even worse a bad father. My Mother manipulated
taking my son from my first marriage away and adopting him. Of course my sisters sided with my mother. I hadn't seen my father
in 5 years when he passed away, although we had made peace by phone shortly before. It was even longer till my mother died.
And I still haven't spoken with my sisters in over 10 years. All because of religion.
After not having a religion to turn to, having no faith, and not believing in a GOD for so long, you may wonder why I'm
bothering to write this. I suppose you think I now hate religion. That's the farthest thing from the truth. I do not hate
religion. Religion has it's place in the human world. It is a spiritually uplifting concept that has the potential to work
great deeds. Just not in it's current form. People need something to believe in. A concept of a creator and the perception
that there is something good beyond this life. I just cannot accept the Bible as the "Word of God". Nor can I accept
that Jesus was the virgin born Son of God. (See my commentary "IS the Bible the WORD OF GOD".)
But I have rediscovered religion. I once again have faith. I have discovered a belief.
Because of Religion, and my family, I got to a point in my life where even I became intolerant. Not of race or creed or
anything like that. I became intolerant of people that could not do the right thing. You know the old expression, "There's
two ways to do something, the right way or my way"? Well, I became intolerant and impatient with people doing things
that were not done the right way. It got to the point where I almost became violent over issues for which I felt slighted
or when I thought people did ignorant things that were wrong. I embarrassed my wife and daughter, arguing with people in public,
it even almost cost me my job.
Even without religion, I was becoming just like those people I considered Bible thumping religious fanatics. Then, I found
a Church who's only philosophy is "Do that which is right" It didn't expound Bible text. It didn't require me to
believe the same way as anybody else. I even became an Ordained minister in this Church. But I still didn't have a firm belief.
I told myself I believed in a God, a creator of all things. I wanted to believe, but this new church still didn't do me any
good.
Ten years later, I found what I didn't know I was looking for. It was after looking up references for a political theme
that I discovered I didn't have to believe like everybody else. I was reading about the constitution and the founding fathers
of this country. (there's that history thing again). After reading excerpts from the works of Thomas Pane and the writings
of other early American individuals I realized I did believe in God. I realized that there had be some eternal being, force,
or God if you will, that created this wonderful universe. Someone created the galaxies, the stars, the planets, things like
the Grand Canyon. I looked at my grandson and thought "Yes there is a God".
Now I don't think this God took a personal interest in dredging out the Grand Canyon or making the sun into a sphere.
But there was some architect responsible for the creation of the universe and all that it holds. Even us. I firmly believe
this.
I took a look at my life, I studied this new concept, and I found my faith returning. I requested re-ordination and became
a Minister at Large with the Universal Life Church and have founded a non-profit organization called the Unified Chaplains
Association. I wish to promote and provide ministerial services to those who find it hard to receive such services elsewhere
because of their beliefs or lifestyle. I shall endeavor to extend my faith to family and friends and eventually others in
need of faith or support. My ultimate goal is to build a Deist church known simply as A House of God.
|
